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The Swish Magazine Contributor, Amy Jean Kern, explores how Meghan Markle's feigning confidence is a pitfall for us all in this season
New Years has come and gone. We spent time with loved ones and watched the ball drop, maybe in person or on our television screens. We may have those New Years resolutions still under our belts, waiting to begin them. But this year, perhaps you are still a single woman.
"What are you doing," you may think to yourself. "Single AND already behind on your resolutions? Why do we allow these commitments, however minor they are, to fall through?"
The answer is that our lives are busy enough that we do not have time to catch up with ourselves. We are stuck in an ever-changing landscape. We talk about the latest topics, the latest trends, and the latest issues. We talk about the increased use of technology, knowledge, and more.
We want to grow. We want to expand. We want to look at the big picture. But for us women, we are often fueled by a desire to prove ourselves and be validated by others. This was my struggle, until I came to a solution.
We are often told that confidence is the most beautiful thing and that trying to be confident in yourself is one key to success. But guess what? It can also be exhausting! So to assess how to best fix this problem, let's begin with your position.
Perhaps you are a college student, or are working from nine to five, wanting a promotion. Or maybe you want to get married and have children this year. You want that validation that you are doing something worthwhile in the world. However, at the end of the day, you are weary with more projects to finish. Your final paper. Cleaning your kitchen. Or perhaps you have other bigger tasks begging for your attention. Face it, girl. It is time to relax! And trust me. I have been right there with you.
Confidence to get through these challenges can be a quick-fix to success, but sometimes it can turn fake. Take Meghan Markle for example, who has always tried to present herself as a confident woman who is a victim to the Royals and has brought Prince Harry along with her. She has tried to make it on her own and prove to the world that she is still a star, but unfortunately, this has only caused many people to make fun of the couple, including a dedicated South Park episode entitled “The Worldwide Privacy Tour”.
This shouldn't be a surprise to any of us after assessing Meghan's actions. Yet, while we sit back and shake our heads, we cannot help wondering if Meghan was putting on a façade for people during her time in the Royal Family and it is now coming apart. If that is the case, what does that say about feigned confidence in the public eye? What does that say about women in society? Is simply feigning Confidence a sustainable response to stress? We can be strong, but the truth of the matter is- We often try so hard to put on façades that we begin to lose our femininity.
How do we fight this weariness in order to achieve our set goals without putting on a facade? Could we still be unique?
The first key to find real progress on ourselves is to admit something extremely countercultural:
WE ARE NOT LIKE THE MEN!
And what is the second, you may ask? We women need to return to embracing femininity.
I've found what I call the "Three C’s" to help me touch into this.
First: COMFORT
Wear that sundress on a bright sunny day! Touch up your face with a little makeup when you go out to dinner (although, remember this is for you- the right man will love you even without the extra on your face). Wear the sweatpants on your day off; do not be afraid of wearing comfort, but do not be afraid to dress classy either.
Wear your comfortability on your sleeve, staying confident in who you are without holding anything back. When you withhold your authenticity, you come across as fake. Again, been there! Yesterday, you were trying to impress the general population. Today, it is time throw that idea out the window.
You should never people please in order for people to like you. Show your true authentic self. Do not prove only to people that you are a hard worker who can achieve goals when given the chance. Prove it to yourself as well. It is out with the old mindset and in with the new mindset.
Second: CHARACTER
It is time to concentrate on growth! And I do not mean just in your profession. At the end of the day, your character is going to matter more than what you do for a living. The best way to develop your character is by listening to other women. Learn from their mistakes and triumphs and apply them to your life. Learn from them about life experiences or even just the simple tasks such as cooking and cleaning. And if your profession is something you are passionate about, listen from other women in the same profession, but do not allow a profession to make up your identity.
You are a woman trying to make her way in the world. With your passion and your drive, you can do anything you want. Just do not forget about staying in your lane and not becoming something that you are not.
Third: Commitment
Finally, commit to your endeavors. Surrender to that all-perfect plan set in stone for you. For some of you, that could be getting married to that amazing man you have been dating since you were in high school and starting a family together. For others, you may feel like you are supposed to stay single, working your job and finding your own path. Be excited! Be bold! Be fearless! But whatever you do in your life, whether with words or with action, do it not only for yourself. Do it to create change.
Remember Colossians 3:17, which states, “And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.” Girlfriend, if you are stuck in an ever-changing landscape in this season, you are not alone. There are many women out here who feel the way you do. You are loved by your family. You are loved by your friends. Most of all, you are loved by your Heavenly Father, who wants you to live for His glory.
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