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The Swish Editor-In-Chief sits down with the Crown and Courtesy Founder
At thirteen years old, I moved out West, far from my Southern roots. On the first day of school, I answered a teacher's question with a simple response that, unbeknownst to me, would spark controversy: “Yes, Ma’am!” All eyes turned to me. “Ma’am? What are you doing, smart-talking the teacher? Why are you such a kiss-up?” my classmates scoffed. I was shocked. Having just moved from a very formal Southern city to this Western town was already jarring, but this reaction made no sense. Isn’t this what you’re supposed to do? I thought. This is how I was raised! It’s simple manners!
Years later, I realized that my experience in that classroom wasn’t just a cultural divide but a reflection of a modern shift in attitudes toward manners. In the pursuit of egalitarianism, everyday etiquette has faded into the background, often dismissed as outdated or even pretentious. Simple acts of respect have been replaced with transactional interactions, and traditional etiquette has been unfairly labeled as snobbish. However, in response to this evolution, a growing movement of women has emerged—women who are reclaiming elegance and reintroducing the lost art of etiquette. Not as an empty set of rituals, but as a means to cultivate respect, confidence, and meaningful human connections.
At the forefront of this revival is Molly Tomlin, an expert in British and American etiquette. Through her brand, Crown and Courtesy, she teaches women worldwide the art of elegant living via Instagram, online courses, and more. I sat down with fellow Southerner Molly to discuss the modern approach to manners and why etiquette isn’t about outdated rules—it’s about respect, confidence, and fostering meaningful interactions.
Meeting Molly
On a recent sunny afternoon, with our English Cream Dachshunds at our feet (Molly’s Winston and my Artie), Molly shared how her life has been steeped in English tradition from an early age. Raised on a steady diet of Keeping Up Appearances and As Time Goes By, she reflected, “I like to joke that I never grew out of wanting to be a princess.” And in many ways, she embodies the best qualities of one: grace, kindness, and a deep understanding that true elegance is not about tiaras and fairy tales, but about confidence and consideration for others.
Despite her poised presence online, Molly revealed a surprising truth: she is actually quite shy and introverted. “I can be quite reserved and awkward… I am great in small groups, but navigating larger groups has always been something that I've struggled with. Etiquette is definitely something that helped me come out of my shell.”
In recent years, an embrace of elegance and hospitality has been criticized as an outdated form of female submission—even likened to the stereotype of a "Stepford Wife". Molly, a recipient of these criticisms, has addressed these misconceptions on her popular Instagram account. “These days, where tradition seems to be mocked, actually going back to those things makes you stand out, ironically,” she explained. “A lot of people just don't really know what etiquette involves, and they also don't realize that they're using a lot of it in their everyday lives already. It's just a tool that you can use, whether in the professional world or in your personal world, and it just elevates all of your interactions, making the world a better place.”
Her distinction between good manners and etiquette intrigued me. She clarified that many people perform good manners without understanding the deeper principles behind them—which is where etiquette comes in. “It's going to make you stand out and help you navigate certain situations when they arise. And it's something that everyone can find a way to implement in their life, regardless of what they're doing.”
Where Did Manners Go?
Our conversation turned to the current cultural climate. Although it may seem that manners have only recently disappeared, Molly noted, “Our society is much more casual now. And so people also cling to that because that's the way it's been for quite a long time.” She elaborated, “That formality hasn't actually been around for a really long time. I would say probably 50 years or so. Formality feels really foreign. Whereas 50 years ago, it wasn't as foreign. But nowadays, people think so much about themselves. How does this affect me? What do I feel? People don't really think as much about the other person. And that's where etiquette can come in.”
Much of Molly’s advice centers around mindset—how to think of others in an increasingly individualistic world. A simple awareness of how one’s presence impacts a social space is an excellent starting point for embracing etiquette. She pointed out that while British culture tends to be more attuned to this, Americans often plow ahead. “We see pictures of the past where men are holding the door open for women all the time. It doesn't necessarily need to be that gender-specific, but just being aware that someone has their hands full and trying to figure out how to help them is a start.”
Where to Start
Outside of the American South, few regions emphasize etiquette training in school curriculums, leaving many adults unsure of where to begin. Molly suggests starting with dining etiquette. “A lot of people struggle with it and feel really intimidated when they have to go to more formal dinners or business dinners or even dates—they feel really awkward around food and others in front of other people. So just starting with those basic good manners is key. Plus, it's the easiest thing to practice on your own because we all are eating all the time. You got three times a day to practice!”
This is one of Molly’s favorite topics, and she is currently finalizing an etiquette dining course to help others navigate these situations with confidence.
In an era of self-improvement, etiquette is a powerful tool for building confidence in every-day routines. “Improving on things that people have traditionally felt really insecure about—going to events by themselves, networking, cocktail parties, whatever it is—and having those soft skills to navigate situations with confidence is definitely on the rise from what I can tell,” Molly noted.
Teaching the Next Generation
Since modern culture may not encourage etiquette, there is a unique opportunity for parents and to pass it down to the next generation. From screen time to the dinner table, Molly offered a few insights on teaching children etiquette: “First, children watch everything that we do and they learn everything that we do. So it's one thing to sign your children up for etiquette lessons because you want them to be respectful and confident, but if you can't reinforce it in the home, it's not going to work. Watch your screen time around them, and set a good example of etiquette for them at the dinner table."
She emphasized the importance of leading by example. “Remember that the things that we do in private are the things that we do in public. So make sure that you actually are practicing all of those good manners and all of that etiquette that you're learning when no one is watching. When it doesn't count and when it doesn't matter—ultimately, that example will help it become more natural and effortless.”
A Return to Elegance
Etiquette and elegance stem from core values, and Molly is on a mission to make them effortless. Our time together reminded me that while manners may not often be mainstream, the growing return to etiquette is encouraging. No longer about going through the motions, etiquette serves as an antidote to individualism, shifting focus toward honoring others and fostering a sense of community. Through Molly’s work, women around the world are rediscovering the power of elegance—not as an outdated relic but as a vital tool for confidence and connection. These are the very tools and perspective I needed at thirteen!
Crown and Courtesy is a premier resource for women seeking to embrace etiquette in modern life. Molly’s eBook, Effortless Elegance, is a great starting point for mastering contemporary etiquette with poise and grace. Follow Molly Tomlin for tips and insights on Instagram @mtetiquette or enroll in her online trainings or 1:1 Coaching today at CrownandCourtesy.com.
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